Friday the 13th - how ironic

If my first baby hadn't died, it would have been one today (provided I had given birth on my due date that is). It really sucks to have to pass this anniversary again and still not have a baby or even be pg. I guess that there are people who are lucky and get everything that they dream of exactly when they want it...and there are people who have to struggle and fight for everything...and still don't end up with their dream. Guess which one I am?

Ugh...I'm such a downer today. I don't even want to be around me :-( So I guess that I will do what I am always expected to do...pretend to be positive and optimistic and full of sunshine. Wait...scratch that. If I don't feel like being full of sunshine today then I am not going to be! If I feel like crying all day then I am going to. I know that nobody wants to hear about how depressed I am...so that is why I am not going to talk to anyone about it and I am not going to feel bad about that.

signed,
a cynical sista

So blah

Lupron is killing me! On the one hand I am very lucky not to be suffering from the severe headaches that some people get. On the other hand...I can barely get through the days b/c I am soooooooooo tired! My eyes are burning and I cannot concentrate on anything. I am also having memory problems. I cannot remember conversations that I had five minutes ago! Kind of scary that I am operating heavy machinery (my car!). How many more days do I have to be on this?

Groggy Saturday

So we had a kitty incident at 3:00 a.m. I was woken from a sound sleep to the sound of a kitty or kitties going bollistic downstairs. At first I thought that maybe it was just a tiff and would blow over. But the noise level was getting worse and sounded violent, so I grabbed my glasses and ran downstairs to break it up. The Fip was near the door to the deck and in full rabid Cujo mode!! I tried to calm her and see what she was freaking out about...poor thing was puffed up about 3x her normal size. The hissing seemed to be directed towards the deck, so I flipped on the light to see if there was a racoon or something out there. ACKKKK...what did I see but my precious little Peach Pie the Wonder Kitty!! Peach Pie the INDOOR kitty!! So I panicked and yanked the door open to grab her...and set off the stupid alarm! I slammed the door shut and ran for the keypad, but it was too late...the alarm company had been notified. I got the alarm to turn off and ran back outside to try and find my poor terrified kitty. I called her name and she ran into my arms shaking like a leaf :-(((( I was so mad at Dave for letting her out! He "claims" that it was an accident and he didn't even know that she had gotten out. Likely story...ha!!

Anyway...I woke up quite groggy this morning.

We went into NYC today for the auto show at the Javits Center. I drove in with J&G and Dave followed with his friend from S.Africa, Nick. Dave and N. were 3.5 hours late meeting us...we were very irritated with them! The show was fun, but by the end I was completely exhausted. The Lupron really does a number on my energy level. I am being naughty and having a glass of wine tonight. No one told me not to while on Lupron, but I haven't been drinking b/c I am so tired from the med. Oh well...I really needed a glass of wine after last night and this long day. I am going to bed pretty soon anyway...lol.

Cheers!!

Back in the saddle

This is my first post in my new blog! Whoooo! I decided to track my thoughts, emotions, results for this...my 2nd IVF cycle...here. Why. I'm not entirely sure! Maybe as a reminder to myself that I am going to be putting my body and soul through an awful lot and I need to remember to take care of myself (e.g. rest and pampering). Maybe so that I can keep everyone (who is interested that is) updated with my progress, as I still haven't decided how much information I want to disclose verbally (sorry, but it gets so hard to have to repeat things 10x every day). Why am I starting now instead of when we started this whole ttc journey 3 years ago? I guess that it just didn't occur to me to blog it all!! lol

recap on the last 3 yrs (ttc focused):

1. tried on our own for 8 months
2. met with 1st RE, did loads of testing
3. diagnosed w/hypothyroidism (explains that 12 lbs!)
4. 3 rounds of Clomid (gain weight w/every cycle), BFP on 3rd one!
5. m/c at 11w1d
6. 4 more rounds of Clomid and more weight gain
7. met w/new RE
8. 3 rounds of injectible meds w/IUI, BFP on 3rd one!
9. m/c at 9w
10. IVF #1 in Sept 06, BFN :-(
11. J&D save as much $$ as they can for IVF #2
12. IVF #2 in April/May 07!!

Okay, got all that?

So I started Lupron last night. Lupron, otherwise known as Loopy Lupron, is already doing it's thing...actually was doing it's thing within 15 minutes of the shot! This is a suppression drug and causes the hormone levels (estrogen and progesterone) to crash and put you into a...well a suppressed state! I have heard that the side effects can include: severe headache, fatigue, clumsiness, and a general ditziness. So far I have just a mild headache...but I am very very tired and feel out of it and kind of clumsy. This should be a fun ride! Stay tuned.